Vatican insiders today report what is an apparent "testing the water" move by the White House to suggest President Barack Obama as a possible replacement for retiring Pope Benedict XVI. Father Guido Sarducci, unofficial Vatican spokesman, confirmed that a "highly placed person" in the administration had floated the idea of naming Obama the Vicar of Christ on Earth when Pope Benedict steps down at the end of the month.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to state that any talk of the President leaving his current office to assume the duties of the supreme pontiff was irresponsible. "We are quite sure that the President would be able to fulfill the duties of both roles simultaneously," Carney reassured reporters.
He admitted that, like assuming the mantle of the presidency, becoming pope would entail a step down for the Lightbringer, but in his well-documented humility the President would be willing to do so to set the Church straight on a number of vital issues.
"Internally, the Church needs a thorough reorganization, starting with assigning union representation for each diocese, and also this staunch resistance to the human right of abortion on demand has obviously got to stop," Carney said.
Furthermore, Carney pointed out the additional advantages of having a Pope Hussein at the helm of the Church.
"Imagine the ecumenical possibilities in the Middle East," the Press Secretary suggested. "This could be the moment when the Earth begins to heal itself, when the waters start to recede in the relationship between Islam and Christianity."
Carney invited reporters to consider how a heartfelt apology to the Arab World for the Crusades could open up an entirely new era of interfaith cooperation. While this would of course "require all lands stolen from the Caliphate by Christendom be returned to the Dar-al-Islam," Carney reminded reporters that the Muslim call to prayer at sunset was one of the sweetest sounds on Earth and that he was sure the Spaniards would welcome back sharia law.
Carney closed the briefing with an emphasis on the historic opportunity this presented to the College of Cardinals. "Imagine, if you will, not only the first African-American pope, but indeed the first non-Catholic pope. I only hope the College of Cardinals can overcome their racism and religious bigotry to make the clear choice
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